A Mother's Love.....

Funeral Feb 25, 2012

In 1996 I was in my third year at Utah State University. I have no idea what I was studying. Neither did I have any idea what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Because of that I don't call it a junior year. It took meunix years to graduate so I call it the beginning of my sophomore year. The only thing I did know at the time was that I was a part of the Polynesian Student Union. PSU, as we called it, gave me a chance to serve. Perhaps it is no coincidence that it was through service that I met one of the most unselfish women I have ever met,Tuali'i.

L to R top row Tua, Anne Keiaho, Tonga, Sau
L to R Lisiate Keiaho, Kamilia (Sau's daughter) me
after performing for an old folks home in Brigham City

Back then, she was married to a man by the name of John Halloran. She worked at a dental office as a dental assistant, while her husband worked as an engineer. They lived in the most affluent neighborhood in the small city of Logan. Although they were very well-off, all were treated like a brother or sister to her. Tua, short for Tuali'i, had this enormous heart that allowed everyone in as a great big family. In fact, I had slept in their guest room many times and for some reason I don't doubt that many whom she called 'bro' or 'sis' have also recieved of her hospitality.

I have this uncanny ability to play practical jokes, tease, say the rudest and most sarcastic things to the point that people get offended or in the least get angry at me. Tua would just laugh and smile and say, "Shut up Sam!" I can only remember one time that she yanked my ear a little bit. Because she didn't ever do that it was way more effective than when others did it.

L to R top row Tua, Anne, Sau
bot row Samoana and Lisiate
at Sau's baby blessing of Mosiah

In 1997, somehow, the Polynesian Student Union and community in Logan saw fit to elect me as president of the PSU. I knew it was an undaunting task but I also knew that my two friends, Sau and Tua, who call me little brother, had my back 100 % and with their help I would not fail. Now they weren't the only ones. There were the Keiaho's, the Pauni's, Walter Mila, the Ka'ilis, Mele Lauti, Wayne Ngaluafe etc.

Somewhere during that school year, the Keiaho family joined in our little group and formed what I call the Logan family. The Keiaho's had two of their five kids super involved and the very youngest was super excited to join in when he got old enough. I still consider Sau, Tua and the Keiaho's family to this day.

L to R forgot her name Sau, Tua, Anne
performing at my family reunion

The club, with the most rookie of rookies as their leader, somehow managed to put on the clubs main event, a luau, by the skin of my teeth. At the same time Sau, Tua, the Keiaho family and I created a bond that was inseparable. Whenever one of these brothers or sisters in this bond needed help we were all there for them. They have come and danced for my family reunion, my sisters wedding, old folks homes, a troubled teens school, etc. With Tua being so well-off, she needed us least and in turn gave the most.

At the end of that school year, in 1998, I decided I wanted to serve a mission for my church. Tuali'i, who at the time was a member of a different church, supported my decision full-heartedly. I remember her giving me a check that amounted to more then everyone of my family members had given me. She was at the farewell and the gate for the airplane as I began my journey out of the country.

Sau, baby Mosiah, Anne and Tua having a sleep over at my
house with irons out to flatten hair

Of my Logan family, the one I recieved a letter from the most was Tua. In fact when I needed something from the states, I wrote to either my mom or Tua. One time the missionaries decided to put on a luau for a missionary activity. I was going to teach my fellow missionaries some dances and show a movie of other dances. It would necessitate a cd and a VHS cassette. I wrote to Tua. Not only did she send me all of the above but she went beyond and sent me an Aloha shirt.

My sister Selesitila and Tua at my little
sister's wedding

I returned from Brazil and she and Sau were there at the airport. Tua and Sau were always trying to hook me up with a girl. The first thing Tua did was have a party with some of the new PSU members, all with the aim of introducing me to a girl. I remember distinctly that there was food and drinks and even boos for those that drank alcohol. She was the greatest of hosts because she always thought of what the others wanted.

Her marriage to John ended and she moved away to Salt Lake City. In a couple of years she married Papu Enosa. She had a kid named Katelin Eventually she was baptized in the same denomination as I. I wasn't present for any of those events, which I regret.

I would see her occasionally at flag days, a celebration of the Samoan culture. We would chat for a bit and then be on our merry ways. The last time I saw her before seeing her in her deathbed was in the summer of 2011. She was taking care of her primary duties. We talked briefly, then she returned to her duties serving in the primary.

Later on I found out she was fighting cancer. Just like her to not even mention that she was fighting cancer. She was too unselfish to burden anyone with that knowledge. Tua would rather carry her burdens in addition to any other burdens her friends had. Rumor was that every night she was sick to the point of throwing up.

"Call ASAP", was the text message I recieved from Sau, on February 11, 2012. She broke some bad news to me, telling me that Tua was sent home from the hospital and that she was on her deathbed. We planned to visit her the next day.

It's a very humbling experience to visit someone who is going to die. What do you say? What do you bring? I wondered if she would even recognize me. Sau had told me she couldn't talk. When we went she talked to Sau a lot.

She looked at me, her eyes lit up. Her eyes lit up and she said, "Samoana!" We embraced. I asked her about the dumbest question you can ask, "How are you doing?" Obviously, she was not doing well. She gave me a long frown.

My guess was the long frown was her version of crying. At her funeral we had found out that due to dehydration the Doctor had said she wouldn't be able to cry. She, however, did later on cry one more last tear.

We found out she had allowed her significant other to go to the rugby sevens tournament. To me it showed that even on her deathbed she thought of others before herself. But it also made me mad and sad, as we left, to know this.

I visited again with some of the Keiaho family, my mother and my sister. To know that my sister and mom visited showed me how much she had done for my family. My sister is a homebody and my mom is pretty much homebound because she has dialysis three times a week. We all began breaking out with our fondest memories of Tua. I asked Tua if there was anything she needed me to do before she passes away. She kept saying no as if she had forgiven everyone on this earth.

The Divine Heritage Choir came to sing to her on Thursday. I regretfully wasn't able to go but had planned to go again on Sunday. Unfortunately for me, I didn't get to see her as she passed Sunday morning.

The funeral came the following Saturday. I attended with hundreds of other people. The gym was packed with people who's lives had been touched by the warmth of her love. There were touching testimonies of her love and selflessness.

One of her close friends shared, to me, the most touching testimony of all. She told of Tua's last moments on earth. Early in the morning, Tua started breathing fast. Her friend said she could tell that Tua wouldn't make it much longer so she grabbed Katelin, Tua's daughter, and brought her in front of her mom to see her last breaths on Earth. She said Tua's breaths slowed down to a very slow pace. Tua looked over at her daughter and with her last breath a tear came out of her eye.

Something tells me she had been saving that tear for her daughter. Although the Doctor, a learned man, and his years of schooling would say, "She will not be able to cry," the Doctor couldn't account for a mothers love for her child. Tua, a person who was selfless and always serving, ultimately spent her last breath serving.

I can't help to notice the similarity between Tua and my mother. My mother goes to dialysis three days a week. She has outlasted everyone of her colleagues at dialysis as they quit and pass on or just pass away in the chair. Dialysis is a grueling process that involves needles and bruises, the feeling of being light headed, sore bones, and throwing up. I feel like what drives her is her love and selflessness for her children.

Hopefully one day I can be found with that same love because I know it will be good with me in the next life to posess it. Moroni 7:47 47 But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.

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The Legacy of Lady Lou the Shih Tzu

Lady Lou had lived a long life receiving love from me, my sister, and most importantly the amazingly super strong love of my mother. My mom was very chill in her earthly days and it rubbed off on Lady Lou. She was the most chill dog with humans. One time I told the mail lady that was scared Lady would bite her, "you don't need to be scared unless you wanna get licked to death." 

Lady was born the same year I graduated from college, 2004. She is a full breed shih tzu. A neighbor was breeding shih tzus and my mom would see her on her excercise walks. They became friends. When the litter came, Lady was the biggest of them all. I'm talking if Shaq  was a shih tzu, he would have been the same size as Lady. The neighbor, the same one my mom would give, every year, lagoon  tickets from the kidney foundation to, gave my mom Lady in show of her gratitude.
Lady was giant for a shih tzu but still tiny though. So small she could fit in my coat pocket when she was young. I would often carry her in my coat pocket. One time I went to the family of my fiancé at that time, and her dad said what's that in your pocket. "It's my dog" I responded. He said, "you can let it out if you want." she crawled up the stairs and on the stairs in the front room took a tiny dump. I was embarrassed at the time. Now that the relationship didn't work out, I'm kind of proud and jealous that I didn't do that.

We had been taking care of another dog named Coco for a while before Lady came. When we returned Coco to my brother, I have a feeling my mom missed the company of Coco, so when the neighbor offered Lady, she accepted Lady in a heart beat.

She was a smart dog. She potty trained very fast. She was very nice to humans. She would bark a ferocious storm when she would see another dog. I used to warn the other person walking their dogs, "don't worry she's not mad she's just loud.

Coco came back to us via my brother and so Lady and Coco became a tandem. Every once in a while they would fight each other over my mom's love. She would break the two up and have a stem talking to them. Then they would be a tandem again.

The dogs had many walks with my mom. Lady would follow the rules until she saw another dog. Once she saw another dog she would bark and get up on her hind legs. She would pull and charge towards the other dog. She was the muscular biggest Sister of the litter and when my mom walked Lady by her sisters she would be barking and in the hind legs and doing a charge towards her sisters, who were doing the same thing only behind the fence. That's where I developed the idea that maybe she was showing her love in the way that the loudest Aunty I have does.

Lady would be like the bossy rule keeper of the tandem. There were times when Lady would grab Coco's leash with her mouth and walk Coco while Lady was being walked by me or my mom.

Lady would rarely run outside the fence unless she was enforcing the rules for her sister Coco. Coco liked to run to a couple of houses but Lady only a couple times was found at another house.

I used to run with both the dogs on my 4.7 mile jog. Both would run at first. Then as Coco got older she got lazier. Sometimes I would have to pick up Coco and run with her, while lady ran along side.

Coco would sleep on my mom's bed and Lady would sleep next to me in my bed. Lady seemed to like me the most and my mom even used to talk to Lady and tell her that she was my dog.

Mom loved the two dogs so much. I remember one time Lady was sick. My mom was so worried about her that she asked me to give Lady a priesthood blessing. In the sect I belong to, we believe that we have the power to bless people who are sick to get better. I had never blessed a dog but because it was my mom's wish, I did.

The dogs returned my mother's love as much as they could. We used to put our couch under neath the window in the front room. When mom would go somewhere they would watch her from the window. They recognized her walk and when they saw her come home, they ran to the door to happily meet her.

My bed height changed with Lady's ability to jump. I would initially sleep on a mattress on on the floor. Then I got a bed on a platform. Coco could definitely jump higher than Lady but Lady was much stronger. I remember as Coco got older, she couldn't jump as well. There were a few times where she could only land her front two legs and had to pull herself up like that or hang as long as she could.

So often if I was not sleeping at home Lady would sleep at the foot of my mom's bed or they would sleep on opposite sides of my mom. They didn't fight often but when they did, it was usually over my mom's love.

Lady Lou, as we would sometimes call her, always had my back. She was my ride or die chick. Because of this Lady, was a tremendous blessing in my divorce and also in my hand amputations.

I remember one time where my ex wife had come home and got next to Lady. Lady turned her nose up and walked away from her. My wife at the time mumbled, "she knows!?!" I often wonder if Lady had smelt another man's scent on my now ex wife.

When I had hands, Lady and I would play a game. I would pass my right hand really close to her face and she would quickly snap at my right hand with her mouth and arm and then I would do the same thing to the opposite side and repeat until she finally caught my hands with her mouth. She would play bite and thrash a little.

When I came home from my amputations, I wanted to do that with Lady and so I tried it with my residual stumps. She caught my arms a couple times and after that, I feel like she sensed a difference and that I was missing my hands and was hurt. She stopped playing with me in that manner but changed the way she interacted with me.

Lady was mischievous, sometimes. I remember one time I had a pack of red vines. She was left in the car with the red vines. Her and Coco got into the red vines. When I can back to the car, Lady tried to act like she didn't do anything. The only problem was that her face has white fur around it. At that time it was red.

A couple of the things she hated was people touching her paws. I used to do it to annoy her. She also didn't like me blowing on her ears or face. I also did that to annoy her. Swimming and water was another thing she hated. We assumed it was because she had a short snout and the water went in her nose easily.

She loved to put her neck on your neck. Or put her neck on a blanket or your chest. 

She used to ride with me everywhere in the car. She would stand on my lap and put her two front paws on the car window frame. Then she would stick her head out the window and bark. One time the window was too wide open and as I made a turn she fell straight out the window. She hit the ground hard and had a seizure. I was afraid she was going to die. She pulled through and from then on we never had the window open that big.

She would ride shotgun with me and often look out the window and bark at everything. Sometimes if I was traveling I would be packing my suitcase. She would often sleep in the suitcase as if to suggest that she was going with me. 

Lately, though she had lost her sight and hearing. Her eyes are all scarred over by her cataracts. She can't see where my bed is to jump on, so I would lift her up. She couldn't hear my whistle that she used to respond to with the quickness. At that time a couple years ago, I started to realize that her life might be coming to an end. I started taking her everywhere with me to play pokemon. She loved it.

It eventually got to the point that Lady didn't enjoy riding with me anymore. She also didn't like going on walks anymore. She started to have blood in her feces. She was not eating for a couple days.

I told Lady the last few days that she had done a fantastic job. She would for sure go to dog heaven to be reunited with her "sister" Coco and my mom would be there to welcome her. I told her those things and I told her she had left a legacy of one of the greatest dogs the Matagi family had ever had. She and Logan would be the dogs that all my future dogs would be measured against, Lady being the one that lived for sixteen years. Manuia lau malaga, Lady. 

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